Things I would have rather been:
1) A vampire superhero. That way I would have retained my gorgeous form, youth and vigor whilst fighting crime by slurping up dangerous criminals for sustenance. Would have gotten more history under my belt. Definitely would have known where the Karpathians were. And would have been sincerely glad to part with the the common cold. Can you imagine how long that would last? a minute. Less! That would be totally WORTH it. To be a vampire means you never need to carry Kleenex.
2) After driving by the new condo site we see going up incrementally every day, I’ve decided being a flagperson is my new goal in life. When you are confronted by your firms’ clever sidestepping about facts concerning Sur-response to a Motion for Dismissal you should be scanning and e-mailing back to a CEO who even the most wiley lawyer in your firm would probably not spit on, the purity of wiping your grimey neck while standing in a street holding a stop sign just appears to be a cleaner way of life.
3) Glenda the Good Witch of the North. Just being able to laugh like a bird and taunt “Rubbish!” was good; but the DRESS. Oh yes. Not to mention that I was sincerely drawn to celluloid in all its forms, cellophane, and lucite after that crown appeared. What a great seduction, glittering transparency.
4) I’d have made a fabulous Red Queen. It’s pretty much what I do now, say “Off with their heads” a lot. Have to find a flamingo or two.
5) A set builder for a Harry Potter film. But of course I’d rather live in the set, and then they would probably have sent me to the Happy Home after inhaling all that Super88. Not so good. But I would have been happy!
6) A sleep experiment participant. They could monitor me for weeks, I’d just keep on catching up.
7) My dog. I know I would have been well-loved.
8 ) Clara Bow. She was not only the idol of every girl of her day, she was the start of true seduction on film. And who could resist the cute little black bob haircut with the big wicked eyes. Awesome. Icons today just…. run around having illegitimate kids with weird names. It’s just not the same.
9) Anyone who lives in those little houses on the coast in Positano.
10) Steve Jobs. Only with hair.
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