In Twilight Regalia

Can someone please get a hold of some of whatever the green stuff is that they make Tostitos “Hint of Lime” Chips with and send me a large tub of it? I don’t want the chips, I don’t need the fat or the salt. I just want that zingy green tangy stuff — and no, it’s not ascorbic acid. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I think someone should market commercial flavorings as their own product. Presuming they’re not terribly carcinogenic. Most have a lot of distilled, intensified natural flavors. I think I’m going to go into business with that. You can market them by themselves, to add into whatever food you like. Of course someone would probably sue me for chemical poisoning and giving them osteoporosis or something if I did that. I already thought of those flavor sprays a long time ago, but it hasn’t caught on quite yet.

I also invented the Hello Kitty!(TM) Milk-shake with a friend of mine. It’s a drink for those boba (milk tea) shops to sell for big bucks: Lavender-colored taro milktea on the bottom, layer of softened vanilla ice cream, strawberry milktea on top. Plasitc cover on top and add straw with manufactured candy bow dropped over the straw (or you can wear it like a candy ring). 5 bucks. I em ginious.

See, there are all these great ideas I get, but I haven’t the money to conduct the proper research to clear them with the FDA, or to manufacture prototypes, or whatever. For example, I invented the iPod shuffle long ago (or the seed for it). Sometime in the 1990s I decided that the next great wave in music would be to make cds (which were THE item then) VERY tiny, and to make them colorful, and then make a very tiny player for them with earbuds. This player and the cds for it could be worn around the neck like jewelry. Musical accessories. Voila, we have it, and better, since mp3s. I just have to think of things, and then the rest of you twits can work out the details. Right? Right.

So what’s in the future? well, the obvious things are cars that run on water, all new garbage-disposal methods (which would feed organisms that support us), new organisms that wildly enrich soil and regenerate farmland, far better industrial packaging (rice products?)(bamboo?), and so many other things I know everyone already wants and lobbies for.

The not-obvious things are clothes that are made of fabric made of metals or other materials that are conductable or otherwise sensitive (perhaps done organically? Brain cells? Who knows) which are intelligent and can house all your current computer needs and better as well as any communication needs you might have. Press or manipulate the controls on your suit and you are doing much more than Trekkies ever dreamed of. They already have nanofabric, I believe.

I believe we’ll start viewing our virtual avatars before we actually meet each other face to face — at least in some arena of communication if not on the street. I mean — we STILL don’t have the fucking VIDEO PHONE. They had that thing invented in the 1960s, for godssakes. I still can’t call up my friend and see him while we talk. So why haven’t companies developed the solution to the privacy issue with suitable avatar presentation and representation programs? Why is no one marketing this like it’s your own private commercial to the world?

Why don’t guys send girls on virtual vacations? Why is that so hard? Not to mention smellovision flower bouquets.

Then there is the superconductor technology. I’m not sure how this will work, but I am positive that superconductors or a similar kind of cell with an organic function will one day be supporting handicapped or elderly people who have difficulty walking, as well as holding up saggy breasts in bras and backpacks and … an endless list of stuff. Maybe new sports could be invented which utilize their hoverability as well — a new Olympic sport with superconductor talents…. I’d definitely watch.

I’d like to be able to put my hand on any building and get an instant vision of that place’s history or record of momentous events. The docents might object, however. I’d like the world to be a giant Ken Burns film if you wanted it to be. Optional of course.

How about placing your hand on an object and seeing a vid of how it operates, or how it’s put together or how it should run or function? How about that being 3-D exploded view? For the mechanic or the medical, or who knows how many uses.

Microtechnologies related to all industries need to be increased. None of the stuff about us in a traditional house now need be so 1) large, 2) heavy, and 3) expensive to operate. Storage of things important to us needs to be transformed. Perhaps holographic imagery will figure more into that.

Ecology and animals and their place in the world have to be re-evaluated. Human thought must be opened to the idea of the purpose, needs, and point of animals and ecospheres on this planet, and their care. They are not the renewable resource we think they are. They are much more, even on an ethical plane, and we have to learn what we’re about on that subject. We are so DAMN SLOW.

And on that tack, I think perhaps the biggest inroads I see that need to be made are in the study of human perception and recognition: How people learn. Serious monitoring in better ways needs to be measured and catalogued and studied with regard to how people perceive, function, and respond to the world and each other.

If that were better explored, methods of teaching children or training adults would be changed drastically. Traditional teaching as we know it now will seem barbaric by comparison. Being stuffed into jobs we’re no good at would vanish. Giving the individual the path to education in the way that suits them best (perhaps in a way solely specific to him/her) is, I think, something which would bring in a higher platform to all in human life. The idea of a life of missed opportunities would fade away.

Not only would it give the shooting stars of our race the proper launch, but huge progress needs to be made in how we view others, and how they view and function with us. Think of that with regard to race. To country. To even differences between the sexes. The dawn of actual empathy. … but I digress from what was to have been a light humourous romp through the possible — How very Me of me. Sorry.

Place might factor in heavily (i.e., things we could invent if we were not confined solely to terra firma, but to space and to other planetary travel as well, but that’s…. down the road a bit, since I think we really should feed people first).

I fully expect to be credited for all this heavy mental lifting I’m doing, folks. Send your dollars to me and I’ll be bigger than Oprah. Probably figuratively as well, pun intended.

P.S. On a Mother’s Day side-note, please be sure that any of the concepts I come up are conceptualized, developed, and tested with both men and WOMEN. Just as a present to my mom, who would frequently be found cursing at any given household appliance, spitting out: “Some MAN invented this.” Happily, my days are fuller than hers were — I have so much more to think up.

And HEY, ::poke::, you’re all really behind schedule!