People who have blown me off:
1) Audrey and Katie
2) Deanna
3) Almost every boyfriend I ever had: long list.
14) Patricia
15) my sister
16) Yasue
17) Chelsea
18) my landlord in Oakland
19) my landlord in Seattle
20) my mother
21) my father
22) Lilly
23) Joan
24) Lynn
25) Wendy Waldman
People who have never blown me off:
1) My first husband
2) Quentin Chin
3) Guy
4) Norman
5) Dave
6) Chuck
7) Anna 
Robert
9) Mary
10) Loran
11) Tom Arnold
12) Robert
13) Loran
14) Scott
Now what’s the difference between the two lists. Hm.
The lower list fall into two categories:
1) People who are naiive first and foremost about all things in life and frequently get walked on for it and are somehow never the ones who interested me and I can’t place why other than that they are supremely unimpowered and don’t stand up for themselves; and
2) People who are simply sterling.
The people on the upper list, I liked or loved as much as I possibly could and had serious vested interest in for various reasons.
They all screwed me over.
What’s up with this??? Why does that happen so often?
Why should the people I most value be the most destructive toward me?
and worse,
Do I deserve it?
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